1st Anniversary

Sunday was our first anniversary, so we celebrated with a weekend away at the beach! The weather was beautiful and we so enjoyed spending the weekend away just the two of us. We are constantly on the go, busy with schedules, visiting friends and family, etc. so a weekend with absolutely no schedule, no alarms, no planned anything was so nice!

People say that your first year of marriage is your hardest. I find this to be somewhat true. In the past year we have experienced a lot together. Brant took and passed his state boards, he graduated dental school, we both got new jobs, moved to a new house, made new friends, celebrated birthdays, weddings, and babies for our friends and family. A joyful year for sure!

Though the hardest thing we have gone through in the past year was the loss of our own baby. While in NYC, we found out we were expecting! I've always said God had a sense of humor, but never realized how big it was until we found out we were pregnant! You see, I'm a planner... I. PLAN. EVERYTHING... only, we didn't plan this, but God did! After a few days of getting over the shock of being pregnant, I we started planning. I started looking for baby beds, strollers, car seats, clothes, diaper bags, nursery ideas, whatever had "baby" attached to it, I was searching for it! While Brant was thinking about the financial aspect of adding a baby to our family!

We had planned to share the big news over Christmas with family and friends.... but half way through my seventh week, I started having complications. On Sunday morning, December 4th, we had a miscarriage. I can't describe to you the amount of hurt and loss we felt on that day. Who knew you could fall so in love with something the size of a mustard seed? He knew. The following morning, our doctor confirmed that we had lost our baby.

The thing about all of it was that from the minute we found out we were pregnant, we had prayed to trust in God for his plans for us. The Friday before it happened, I stumbled upon a blog that had the following excerpt from a song:

I will bless the Lord forever

I will trust Him at all times

He has delivered me from all fear

He has set my feet upon a rock

I will not be moved

And I'll say of the Lord

You are my shield, My strength

My portion, Deliverer

My shelter, Strong tower

My very present help in time of need

Little did I know those words were truly going to be ours by the end of the weekend. We could not have made it through the following weeks without the love, support, and prayers of family and friends. We had not told anyone that we were expecting (well, except the Haynies) with the hopes to tell after the first ultrasound, so we spent the week explaining a lot. We were truly amazed at the Christ-like love that everyone gave us.

dinner on our anniversary

Grief is a weird thing. Some days are good, some are not so good. But with God's grace we have made it this far! We know that our sweet baby is in heaven with all of our loved ones who have already gone to be with the Lord. A sweet friend's grandmother passed away a few weeks ago and all I could say to her was "I sure hope your grandmother is rocking my baby!"  While I'm giving up my wants to plan everything and be in control of everything, I'm not giving up on God!

So, for our second year of marriage we look forward to all of HIS blessings, good or bad, they are all blessings. We trust in HIM knowing that He has the ultimate PLAN for our life and no matter how many different colors I use on my planner, HE is in complete control!

To my precious husband: Brant, you are a miracle sent straight to me from God. I thank Him daily for you and the love that you give to me. Your patience, your kindness, your love for life, your ability to make me laugh at any given moment is contagious. I can't wait to see what He has planned for the rest of our lives on this earth together. May we keep Him at the center of our marriage and always love Him more than we love each other. I love you more today than I did a year ago!